1:04 a.m. - 2009-05-26
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What you are reading below is from my entry on livejournal, I've just written it recently.
It's been a while since I've wrote in here, seven weeks to be exact. I seems I had to remit on that promise that I've made.
I came back on to speak my thoughts. Regardless of rather or not anyone reads them, I can come back here and think long and hard about this entry.
I've always turned to everyone else for guidance. I always thought that there was one person out there who understood or who cared and maybe there is. But I'm beginning to see how things truly are and I'm thankful to have that little inkling of truth, for it's worth.
My life, like every individual who resides on this earth, is in my hands. Only I can control the outcome. It doesn't matter what I stand for, it doesn't matter if I'm loved or hated. The only thing that truly matters is moving forward and sticking to your own ideals and truths. Let no one alter the way you live your life, unless you agree with their ideals whole-heartily and can incorporate them into your own beliefs.
I learned that in the face of despair, it's easy to hide. But by taking a stand, you can actually emit a light the will diminish such darkness. As long as I can breath, as long as I can stand, I can change and grow into a better person. But I can only do that if I move forward.
I can always remember the past and all the happy times I've had, but at some point; I'll have to go on with my life. I'll grow older and those times that I sit and reflect on should be a constant reminder that I had good moments in my life and that I should try to make more, even if the people I had them with are no longer here. I have them in my heart and in my memories and that's just as important as them being here.
I learned that I'm human and just like any other human, I'm entitled to make mistakes. However, I shouldn't deny that I made mistakes. I should embrace the fact that I made them because now I can become better and not repeat the same error. Rather that reason is love or something else. It's not enough to admit i'm human and that I made a mistake; I have to own up to it and make amends with myself, as well as anyone involved.
I learned that not everyone will like me, but that shouldn't stop me from making friends. It doesn't matter if you have differences. The only thing that matters is connecting with someone. Extending that hand of friendship and building a foundation that will last for decades. Don't let race, gender, religious views, political views, and cultural views stand in the way of getting to know someone.
Has anyone every listened to "The Sun Screen Song" by "Class of 99"?
There's a part in there that I hold dear to my heart. The guy says: "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long. In the end, it's only with yourself." I truly believe that, I am going to stop looking at the grass on the other side. Mine is green enough. I know that things will come in time, I just have to be patient and seize the opportunity when it presents itself.
I learned that it's okay to rely on others, but never to the point that you lose faith in your own ability.
I am beginning to learn that it's okay to be who I am. I shouldn't be ashamed of how I look, what type of music I listen to, or the things I don't have. At some point in time, I'll get those things.
I learned that all people are good and that at times, they have to do bad things for some reason or other. So I trust everyone and one of the proudest days in my life is when I assumed that I lost my wallet when in fact, the lady next to me picked my pocket. I was happy that I didn't assume she did it, it tells me that I still have hope for people.
To those in my life who I reach out to, but who don't seem to care that I do (or about me, for that matter), I won't give up on you.
This little bit is nothing, there's still much for me to do and learn. The most important thing I can do is find out about myself and my purpose. The very least I can do is give up. So I choose the former rather than the latter.
I'm still growing and if anyone sat through this; thank you, it means a lot.
I am hoping good things will happen to you, so do the same for me.
