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1:36 a.m. - 2008-07-01 It's this one woman, I'll just call her K. When I first saw K, she used to smile at me a lot. I began longing to see that smile, it was genuine and it was warm. Now, all I get from her is cold stares. I mean artic... I don't know if I've ever offended her, but I probably did. Then there's L. When I used to clean at night, she was the only one there. And although I never spoke a word to her, I felt so comfortable around her. Hell I miss her being around, I would tell her that, but I'm pretty sure it would be misconstrued. I won't lie to you, she beautiful. But I think a lot of women are beautiful and don't think anything other than that. I just miss her warm smiles too. She was so adorably quiet and when she walked pass me, there wasn't any fear. These two people are the first people who made me feel comfortable where I work and I just always wanted to talk to them for a while. It didn't have to be about anything in particular, anything at all would have done it. Anyways... My class mates are really going out of their way to help one another and even help me. I feel stupid for always pushing everyone away. It's like I'm afraid to venture into something new. Well, I actually fear losing friends because I know that it happens and why go through it when it can be avoided? The pain, the loss, the feeling of abandonment. It's like when my friend died, I felt lost. I felt utterly lost and empty inside. Loyalty is a bitch and not even the kind that licks your face in the morning.
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