12:02 a.m. - 2008-06-30
Lack of Trust
I was walking around the house and it just hit me like a bolt of lighting. I have no idea of what I want in life, I don't have any passion.
When I was younger I used to dream of being the first American who was accepted in the Shaolin Temple. Not an honorary member mind you, but a full fledge monk with access to the rigorous training and forbidden fighting styles.
Actually it's not true, I do still have a dream. I want to go to Japan because that was both me and my friend's dream. I want to see the world, but I don't know what I want to be. So in a way, I do have passion.
I just don't know what I am suppose to do with my life. All I've done with it so far was all make believe. I haven't truly lived at all. I want to but I'm paralyzed by my impending fear.
Sometimes I just want to take a faithful step, but I'm reminded by Sarah McLachlan's lyrics from "Sweet Surrender", it goes:
"I�ve crossed the last line
From where I can�t return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me"
So what can I do, really? I obviously don't have any trust in myself...
