1:08 a.m. - 2009-06-27
Fireflies
Yesterday I was sitting on a railing, waiting for the train so that I could head to work and I saw this building.
I began to think about something I said while it was being build.
I said that I'll grow as that building did and maybe by the time it's complete, I would be close to completing my goals.
I couldn't help but scoff at the very thought of what I said. I was so off track and yet the building is a month away from completion.
It's sad that a year has came and gone so quickly. Yet I'm no closer to my goals, hell I'm a bit further than I was before.
I'm kind of pathetic.
I don't know what I want, but I want something.
I don't know who I want to be, but I'm not happy with who I am.
I'm afraid of change, but I crave it.
What the hell is going on with me?
It's times like these that I wish I had someone I could talk to. Someone to confide in. Someone who would understand. Someone who wouldn't say I was belly-aching or being overly-dramatic.
Why do I always feel so alone all the time? Why do I always wear this facade like nothing worries me when it's crystal clear that it does?
Fradulent persona...
Am I responsible for placing this fradulent persona on myself or is it society's fault?
*sighs* Worrying never solves anything. Inaction can never be a catalyst to action. I'll move forward because I know I can handle the weight of my mistakes.
On to other things...
I may never get married, but I know what kind of wedding I would like to have if I did....sort of....
Let me see....
Field full of cherry blossom trees, fireflies, full moon.
That seems beautiful, that's strange coming from me.
The wedding thing I mean.
Who would want to marry a loser like myself? Who would want to marry someone who always looks back? Who would want to be with someone who doesn't seem to like himself?
