4:27 a.m. - 2009-06-08
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I went to sleep really early and now I can't go to sleep. I've been up for hours and now that the sun is ready to reveal itself, I'm getting tired.
I'm tired of a lot of things. I don't know what I'm meant to do and I'm tired of thinking about it.
I'm a man of thought and not of action, it's so evident.
All I do is sit on my ass and complain about how life is handing me shit. I sit and remember the past.
I haven't grown because of all the things I lack. The most important one is motivation.
I've never been the type of person who compared myself to other people. Well, not seriously.
But now I'm beginning to wonder why some people have it better than others. Why some people efforts are overlooked and other aren't.
Why does it always feel like I'm looking in on everyone from outside in the middle of winter.
*smiles* I never been envious of others. I know that we all have problems, even if it looks like we don't have any at all. My suffering is just one of the test I've been given.
I think I'm failing that test due to my impatience. I give up on everything once I see that it takes some effort to improve.
That's one of the main reasons I've yet to grow.
Richard, if you were here...
what would you say? I mean, if I was ever brave enough to talk about my feelings?
There I go again, reliving the past. I swore that I wouldn't mention his name in any form and yet that's what I do.
Hopefully, it will a long time before I end up were he is. But I would love to end up there, so we can talk. What miracles have he seen? Is what I believe actually the truth?
*sighs*
I feel funny, thinking about such things.
To be where you are...
